“If there is one thing our children need to hear from us, over and over again, it’s this: ‘Our family is different.’”
–Andy Crouch, The Tech-wise Family
No kid wants to be different. They want to fit in. They want the same shoes as the popular kids. They don’t want to stick out. They want to listen to the same music, talk about the same movies, play the same video games as all their friends.
It doesn’t change for adults. We want to vacation in the same places, put our kids in the same schools, live in the same neighborhoods, and make the same money as the families around us.
Nobody wants to be different.
Leo Tolstoy satirized this middle-class instinct in The Death of Ivan Ilyich. Ivan was obsessed with having a kitchen that looked just like his neighbors. He wanted curtains and furniture and a house just like the picture everyone else was ogling in Magnolia magazine. He was careful to maintain the right business connections to support a life of instagrammable birthday parties and date nights and cruises—you know, the kind that the people he followed were posting all the time.
Ivan’s life was carefully curated to fit in. Because being different is uncomfortable—and he wanted a comfortable life.
Even when it comes to technology, we are quick to adopt whatever standards other families seem to be using—who wants to be the “weird” family with odd tech practices?
But in The Tech-wise Family, Andy Crouch leans into the awkward when he champions this mantra: “Our family is different.”
What if all that sameness we are striving for—the comformity that feels so comfortable—what if it’s actually making us boring? And what if the things that make your family different are actually the best things about you?
As kids, we are often embarrassed by our weird traditions, habits, and family members. As parents, sometimes we are embarrassed by our weird kids (speaking from experience).
We can try to smooth off those rough edges, or we can listen to Crouch and Tolstoy. Different is not comfortable—but it’s us. What value is sameness in the end? The world doesn’t need you to fit in. The world needs you to be an odd little tree planted by streams of water that yields its one-of-a-kind fruit in its season, prospering, not withering, in all its unique, God-honoring difference (Ps 1:3).
Lean into your weird. If God wanted a thousand of the same apple trees, he would have planted them. Instead, he planted you and me.
Our Family Is in Maine!
One of the unique treasures in our family is the summer tradition of driving up the East coast to Maine. Mindy and the Fox Family have been spending summers in Maine for over 30 years. We’re the only people we know in South Carolina crazy enough to drive 20 hours for summer vacation—but hey, our family is different. ;)
See you when we get back!
This was really encouraging--thanks for posting!
I get a 50 lb bag of KA flour at Restraunt Depot! It was helpful during covid when all the shelves were empty! :)